Where I will end up

Have you ever felt like you have no idea where you will end up in a few years?

I want to do so many things but feel like I have no way to accomplish them.

I want to buy a house. No down payment. I am pissed that I have a job and can't even be independent and afford my own house. Pisses me off.

I am dating a new guy. I don't think its going to work long term. I don't see how it could. He is great and awesome and makes me happy for now but there are too many things that I ideally would change so I am just not sure.

I want to get a hobby. What hobby not a clue. Any hobby ideas?

Learning about me

So I have been I guess on this journey of self discovery lately. Trying to get my life in order and really be an adult. Well last night I discovered that I shouldn't in fact drink. Ever. I hadn't be drinking for a month because someone issued me a challenge and I had been doing awesome. I was able to go out and enjoy myself just by drinking diet coke etc. But last night I got to the bar really early with a friend and just had too much to drink. I realize that it just tends to make me feel crappy about myself and want to cry. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be weak. I am a strong independent person and I am going to kick life in the ass and be a spectacular person. I just need to be with my friends and family but i control all this. It is in my control. I am going to be awesome!

How to Boost Self-Esteem

Not that I lack it in all areas of my life. There is one glaring area though that gets me in trouble all the time. I lack self-confidence around men. I never feel like I will be able to be in a relationship because I am not sure that I feel that I am actually worthy of being loved.

It is sad really. Job wise, complete confidence. I feel like I could conquer the world there. Also, I am proud of myself for making it on my own and being a pretty independent person. I just lack the confidence in relationships. I am pretty loud a lot and kind of an in your face person and I am not sure people like that. I like that about me but I think it rubs others the wrong way.

Advice? Please comment

Worrying about Ike and trying to focus on work

So it looks like we might be evacuating again next week.  This hurricane crap is ridiculous. It makes it very difficult to focus on the rest of life.

Tonight I am sitting at a coffee shop creating power points for work. I use the Saints as a way to teach geography to my kids. I saw it done when I was an undergrad and it worked beautifully. I have a large us map on the wall of my classroom and I stick a pin in NOLA and a pin in whatever city the Saints are playing in or against. I then use a string to connect the two places and mark it off with the distance. I create a short power point on the city they are playing to teach them a little geography about the place. I just created the power point for Tampa as that is who they are playing this week. Let me tell, nothing to interesting about Tampa. The next week the Saints play the Redskins so that has some more information about it. Thank goodness.

Cross your fingers for our city or pray or whatever you do. We need it.

Back Home

So I am back home and am starting to get sick. I was with my sister all week who was running fever and had a cough and now I am starting to get a sore throat which doesn't really make me happy.

New Orleans is a bit of a mess. Last night I came and checked on my apartment and didn't have power. I slept at my dads. This morning I came back and am lucky enough to have power and cable. We are supposed to go back to work on Monday and I hope we do because I am getting slight cabin fever.

I was going to go grocery shopping today as I have no food in the house. We learned from Katrina to empty out freezers/refrigerators. But they are so under staffed at this point that there was a line out the door waiting. They would only let so many people in at one time. Maybe tomorrow I will do that. Today I was just not up for it.

There are downed power lines all over and traffic lights are kinda touch and go but hopefully everyday it will get better.

All eyes are on Ike now hoping it will leave us alone. We have had about all we can handle for the next 100 years.

Ready to Go Home

I am still in Tallahassee. We are planning on leaving tomorrow (Thursday). I am ready to go now. Nagin decided to open the city basically because you have to drive through there to get anywhere else. I am just ready to go back home. I don't care if I don't have power. I am ready to go. Now.

My Hurricane Gustav Story

After being back in New Orleans around 35 days, a hurricane was coming straight for me. Great. Back to evacuating. Almost three years to the day after Katrina.

For the story ... on Saturday I evacuated to Baton rouge to stay with my sister at her dorm at LSU. After being there for about three hours, I received a call from my mother telling us we had to come back and go with them to Tallahassee because it looked like it would be bad in BR. We drove back to Nola.

On sunday morning at 4am, we left for Tallahassee. Well the state of Mississippi sucks and closed I10 going east through their state. So we had to go north. We were on I59 in MS between exits 1 - 26 for 7 hours. In all, it took us all of 20 hours to drive from NOLA to Tallahassee. It was ridiculous.

We have now been in Tallahassee for a couple of days, I am not really sure how long. I have lost all sense of time. I am ready to leave. My dad is home and his parish opens in the morning at 6am. I think I am going to leave at midnight tonight. I am here with my mom and sister, etc. My mom will not come up with a plan. That pisses me off to no end. I need a plan so I think I will be taking off by myself.

I hate Nagin. We had a Cat 2 hurricane brush by us and I can't go to my damn house. What the hell is going on. I am glad the hurricane didn't hit us directly. He is an idiot. First he called it the storm of the century and now he is telling us we are going back to primitive conditions. AHH!!! Some people in the city actually have power so what the crap is he talking about. He sucks and I want to throw things at his head.

I am ready to go home.

My Sister and other random ramblings

My sister is going through rush right now at LSU and it feels like I am going through rush.  I am in a sorority so have done it all before and wish I could be with her while she goes through it.  Keep your fingers crossed ... her tops are still in there.  School is going well.  I like my students and my coworkers (the ones I have met at least) so I am pretty happy about that.  I do miss my old coworkers though. Men.  They suck.  That is all I have to say on the subject. Oh and today i got really excited because I actually heard someone say in real life yourmommaandthem.  It made me happy. 

Exhausted

So the first two days of school have kicked my butt. Being in a different state this year makes me have to adjust my expectations. I am teaching the next grade up this year and some things they know way more than my kids last year but somethings that my kids knew by the end of last year they just seem rather lost.

I really like the new school. I am just pretty tired and the afternoon is way too long. After lunch we have three hours until dismissal. That is way too long of an afternoon especially when the kids are looking at me like they are going to die of boredom and tiredness.

I am a few kids that I am trying to pull out of their shells but havent figured it out yet. I have a little boy who is so shy he won't come out of his shell at all and I just want to try to get him to open up. He seems smart from the work I have seen him do so far I just wish he would interact with me and the other kids more. We shall see.

Need to complain less

So this year I will be working in an area that was completely demolished by the hurricane. Many of the staff and students lost their homes. They discuss how they have been living out of boxes for the past three years. I complain about being in boxes for a month. I need to learn how lucky I really am and stop complaining. These people have been through so much but continue to push on with no complaining at all. I need to be more like them.

I have returned

So I have finally returned to blog land. The move back here went well and I am getting settled in at my new school. We start Monday with students so hopefully I will be ready by then. I still don't have internet at my house but I am "borrowing" someone's wireless now.

My life is still in such a state of flux. Living with all these boxes still around and stuff. I hope to finish getting set up on the weekend. Hopefully all goes well.

Last Night In Lakeland

So this is offically my last night here in Lakeland. I will be moving on back to New Orleans tomorrow. I am very excited to be going and can't wait for the new adventures back there. I have learned a lot living here but it is time to go.

Packing

Packing is a pain. You kind of learn a lot about yourself through it though. I have been learning what is valuable and what is not. What I feel the strong need to keep and what I don't need anymore. I have so far decided that 12 sweatshirts are probably not necessary. So I am trying to condense my two years in Lakeland to a small amount of stuff and it is somewhat difficult. I am so ready to leave here and go home but I am also freaking out a little. What if home is not good either? What if it is me? You can't escape yourself and I am not sure what to do about that.

I will go resign from my current job tomorrow. That means packing up more crap. Have to pack up my classroom and get all the boxes to my apartment. It's a pain when you don't really know anyone to help you get your crap. At least at home I have people to help me unpack.

Job

I got the job I wanted today. No idea what grade level but they want me at their school and I will have a job there.

I also got an apartment. My mom went and saw it and sent me pics and I think I am going to be thrilled with it. It is right on the mardi gras parade route so that will add lots of fun!

Moving

So I have decided to leave Florida sooner than planned. I will actually be leaving before the end of the month. I can't be here any longer and not lose sanity. I will be going back home to new orleans and am very excited.

When I was home, I interviewed for two different jobs. I was offered one, a first grade position at a charter school, and the other one i should here their decision tomorrow and that is for a third grade position. ideally I would like the third grade position but we will see what happens. I am just happy I am leaving.

Scared

I have pre cancerous cells on my cervix. I am scared as all hell. I was at the doctor about a week and a half ago for a regular appointment and I just got test results today. I have to go back on Monday to get further testing. I am freaking out.

New Idea

I am trying to go home today as opposed to on Wednesday. The quitting smoking is hitting me hard today and it is nasty and rainy and dreary outside and I don't have crap to do and I am going a little crazy. Trying to see if I can get people to cover my meetings for tomorrow, Monday, and Tuesday. Will update.

Victory

So I drove in my car for many many hours today and managed not to smoke a cigarette so that is good. I am drinking some wine now so that will be another test. I don't really even want a cigarette anymore so I am good.

I am going home to visit in less than a week! I am so excited to see my family and friends and be around people. It shall be great.

Day four and the test

So it is day 4 of no smoking and I am still doing pretty well. Except last night and today I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat and that is not real cool. It is directly related to the smoking because nothing else is going on in my life that I really would cry about.

Today will be a rough one. I have my meeting that is an hour and a half drive from here. I haven't had to drive that far without a cigarette yet. And I really hate driving which doesn't help the whole situation.

In other news, my mom got married yesterday. So now I have a step daddy. Kind of strange but happy for them :)

Level of Importance

It is always so strange how wrong I am. Like I can't read people for shit. I think I am important to someone and then they don't call or get in touch with me and I realize that I am not. Whoops. Wish I wsn't wrong all the time.