Getting back in the swing of things

So I finally went back to the gym today. Thank goodness. Just trying to get back into a normal routine which is difficult because it is summer and being a teacher I don't work during the summer. I am still emotionally zapped though. Like you wouldn't even believe. I started tanning today to get bronzed! Yeah for planet beach here!

Feeling Alone

So ever since I haven't gotten back (it hasn't even been 48 hours yet) I am feeling extremley alone. I had gotten used to it but then I went back to my hometown and was constantly surronded by people so it is a harsh reality to come back to not having a lot of people around all the time. I feel a strange sort of disconnect from the world outside. It sucks.

Back

So I have been back for a little over 24 hours now and it has been a whirlwind since I have been back. My car was broken down when I got back so I had to deal with that and then I was kind of sad to be gone from home even though the trip was somewhat stressful.

I ended up going to the wake and was glad I did. I felt like I got to offer some support to one of his closest friends that I know so that was good.

My trip otherwise is somewhat of a blur. Always out and about and around doing something. I met my mom's boyfriend and he is a very nice man. It was just a little strange.

My sleeping schedule is way messed up and I want to get to the gym but am exhausted lately even though I took a 4 hour nap today. We shall see how it goes.

Going home

Ahhh ... so in about 48 hours I will be back in NOLA for the first time in 6 months. It is a completely different situation from the last time that I went there as now my mother lives uptown with her boyfriend/fiance and my dad lives in the house I grew up in. I am sure this trip will leave some memorable stories. I was talking about divorcing parents today at work with the other teachers and it actually seemed common that people's parents get divorced when you are older. One of the teacher's got divorced when her son was 30 and some other teachers were talking about when their friend's parents got divorced when they were older. It is a definite strange situation though got to tell you that.

I talked with some of my sorority sisters and we have decided to go to the wake on Saturday as we thought it would be a good idea to pay our respects and support his close friends that we know. We decided not to stay for the service as we didn't feel like we knew him well enough to do that. Wakes make me nervous.

On another note, tomorrow is my last day of teaching summer school. 70% of my kids have passed the test to allow them to go on to the next grade so I am happy about that. They took the test on Tuesday and then we had no school Wednesday and then we had today and tomorrow. Today was a waste of time. We watched Cars and Hercules and had VERY exteneded reccesses. Tomorrow we will watch Shrek 2 and have a sort of celebration for the end of summer school. I am glad I was only there for two and a half weeks. I don't know that I could have done it all 5 weeks. It is a whole day thing so it wears on you especially with some of the behavior problems I have in my class. We were told that behavior problems would not be tolerated when we were hired ... this is in fact false. Oh well. At least I made some extra cash. That is always a good thing!

How do you know ...

How do you know when it is appropriate for yourself to go to someone's funeral? How well do you have to know someone for yourself to go and for it not to offend people and for them to be like "why is she here?"

The funeral service for this guy I knew happens to be on Saturday when I fly in. I knew him not the well. We hung out a few times and I talked to him not many times in the past few years up until about a week ago. Should I go to his funeral? I know funerals are really more for the people that are the person's friends like to give them closer and stuff so should I go? I mean I don't want to offend people by them thinking that I didn't know him well enough to go. I am confused.

Feeling guilty

So I am feeling guilty about being sad because he died. I mean I knew him and everything but we were never close or anything. I feel extremley guilty for feeling sad because I barely knew him it feels like. I feel super bad for his close close friends. I don't know I keep getting the chills and it makes me feel even more guilty.

RIP Marc

So a guy that I knew back at home and had just talked to for the first time in a couple of years apparently committed suicide. This was the guy I had plans to hang out with. RIP Marc.