Everyday is different

So going through all of this with my parents divorcing and all, I wake up in a different mood everyday. Yesterday, I woke up severly pissed off at my mom and really wouldn't talk to her throughout the day. My friends have been great though. One of them made me go out and we got pedicures and went shopping and stuff so that really helped me get my mind off of everything. I bought a couple of books to read to try to keep my mind off of things which is also helping. My mom and her boyfriend are thinking about coming to visit in October which could be cool. No one has ever come to visit me here (besides my bff, you're the best Chris!) and I would like my mom to see how I am living here and stuff. Show her the places I frequent etc. My dad was in a better mood so that helped to. And then he talked about how eventually he would like to start dating. Whoa! Crazy. I guess its strange being 25 and having your parents seperate. I guess its easier in some ways and harder in others that being younger. I just don't know. Parents dating freaks me out lol. But I guess I will get used to it in time. We shall see!

Disconnected

With all of this going on at home (in Nola) and being 600 miles away, I am feeling an extreme feeling of disconnect. I have always kind of felt disconnected but it is even more prevelant to me now. I just wonder and I doing the right thing my living so far away from my family. Is it crazy that I moved so far away? I feel really lost right now. I do pretty good during the day but at night it starts getting a little rough and very confusing. I was looking at nola.com and I was reminded that hurricane season started soon. Well, my mom has always been the one to drive when we had to evacuate and stuff. I normally made the hotel reservations because I go crazy during hurricane season. Who is going to take my dad? I mean I know he can drive and everything but he was never really one that wanted to evacuate. What happens when another storm has New Orleans in its sights? People keep telling me that I don't need to take care of my dad but I kind of feel like I do, its strange.

I also feel like I am burdening my friends with always talking about this whole situation that is going on right now. I mean how long can they listen to me analyze the situation. I try my best to ask and see what they are up to but I will realize I won't even remember what they said because my brain is off somewhere else thinking about home.

I feel like I am going to lose my mom. She is someone who I talk to all the time and many many times a day. I feel like now because she will be happier with her love life she won't want to talk to me as much. She says this is not the case but what happens in a few months? I mean I live here ... out of sight out of mind? Maybe we are so close because she was unhappy in her marriage.

I have never felt more like a kid then in these past few days. It is disturbing.

Another Day in a Long Journey

Day three - I have been pretty good all day. On the phone constantly, I have had to charge my cell phone twice today (thank goodness for night and weekend minutes.) My sister is coming to stay with me next week for about four days so that will be good. I got to talk to my mom today for an extended period of time and it felt good and she does seem happy. I feel like I should be madder at her and just don't feel it. Talking to my dad is very taxing. He is so upset and angry and he says things that he shouldn't say to children (even at 25 I am still his kid) and it is hard. I held it together wonderfully today until about 10:40 tonight. After I talked to him, I just had a breakdown because it is so hard to talk to him. He talks about how my sister and him are on his side (which we are not, we are trying our damndest not to chose) and he ask me questions that i don't want to answer so I have to lie and say I have no idea and its hard. I am exhausted and can't sleep.

It's hard being 900 miles away while all of this is going on. I don't have a strong support system here (my friends are great but we all have our own things going on.)

I looked up therapist tonight because I think I need to go speak to someone. Just to vent it out to someone who knows nothing about the situation.

Day 2 of a very long process

So it has now been a full day and a half since I have found out that my parents are getting divorced. I am having a rough go of it. Constantly on the phone speaking with people who are offering me things even though I am 600 miles away and no longer a child. I am just extremley confused and angry. I feel like I should be more angry though. I feel worse for my sister though because she is 17 and having a rough go of it. My mom wants her to come here for a week and my sister wants me to go there for a week (she probably wants me to stay forever but that isn't happening) and I am just confused. I want to be with my sister but am nervous to go home because I can only imagine what I am walking into. My mom doesn't seem to want me to go there at all (I have tickets for July and am suppose to go there then.) So I really don't understand. She says she wants me to come home in July but not now and I just talked to my sister and she has a lot going on down there (ACT, Senior pics etc) so we are talking about her coming up June 1st and leaving the 7th. I am confused and can't motivate myself to go to bed. Strange I know.

Falling apart at the seams

I am officially falling apart. Around 1 today, I got a call from my mother to tell me that she was leaving my father. Apparently she has been having an affair for some months now and it came to a head today. I am feeling very effected by the whole thing but feel worse for my sister. I have a sister who is 17 and about to be a senior in high school. She now feels like she has to chose between them. I wish i could be there but I am three states away. I am also just trying to get everything together in my own brain.

Just 2 days and The Pursuit of happyness

Just two days left with my lovely second graders. I am so burnt out from the year with them but think I will definitely feel so sadness leaving them and never seeing most of them again (I am moving schools for the upcoming year.) I have a week off before I start teaching summer school to third graders. I am hoping that the week off and the prospect of new students and a much reduced class size will leave me feeling rejuvinated. I am sure that it will be a great experience (positive self talk.)

On to The Pusuit of Happyness. Nothing was on tv so I decided to go ahead and get a movie on demand and I chose The Pursuit of Happyness. It was a really good movie. I cried through a lot of it. To see that people can go through such issues and still come out a success gives me hope for a lot of my students who are not in such dire situations as the characters in this movie but they seem that dire to me.

To any teachers, do you keep in touch with students over the years?

I am good!

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

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8 Cigarettes Away and 9 Days Away

So I definitely though I Sunday when I bought the nictotine gum that I would be chewing it by Tuesday or today (Wednesday.) Not so. Apparently I donn't smoke as many cigarettes a day as I thought I did or I have slowed done to try to savor them for as long as possible. I have discoved over the past 4 days that I only smoke an average of 7 cigarettes a day during the week. It really helps that I can't smoke at work. So it looks like Friday will be quitting time. That stresses me out a little because I always smoke more on the weekends but I am going to do this and get through it. I know I can. I have overcome many hurdles in the past two years and know that this is the last major one that effects my health (I am sure there will be many more hurdles in others facets in my life.)

Just 9 more days with my lovely second graders in the dusty school. It's crazy to know that I have made it through my second year of teaching and will be doing it again next year. I had some challanges this year but overcame them. I will be switching to a brand new school (still being built) and I am really pumped about that but really nervous at the same time because I truely have no idea what to expect. The good thing is I will still be teaching second grade so there won't be too many surprises curriculm wise.

I am going crazy lately at school. Serious summer ADD is kicking in. I wonder if I could even function in a job where I would have to work all year long. Who knows. I will be teaching summer school and I will have about a week and a half break before that kicks in to gear for five weeks.

8 more cigarettes, 9 more days. It is my mantra.

I Want to Be A Quitter

So today I made an interesting purchase while I was at CVS. I made the decision a few weeks ago to quit smoking on May 23rd. Well, I decided I might as well not buy another carton of cigarettes and just buy the gum instead. So today I bought nicotine gum. I have about a pack and a half of cigarettes left that I am going to finish smoking so by Tuesday or Wednesday I will be a using the gum and be in a wonderful mood (I am trying positive self talk.) I am really stressed out about it though because I don't want to fail at it. My smoking is a lot of random habits. Knowing when I light up on the way to work, smoking when I am talking on the phone, etc. My mom said that if I could lose 80lbs like I did, then I should be able to quit smoking. I look back on losing all that weight and think about how easy it was. Hopefully I will be able to look back on quitting smoking and think about how easy that was as well.

Bon Jovi Night on Idol

So I am just getting around to watching Idol from last night thanks to my dvr. So I can't believe this guy Chris (is that his name?) decided to sing Wanted Dead or Alive after Chris Daughtry did it so incredibly last year. I loved Chris Daughtry's version from last year and have it on my iPod and listen to it more than I listen to the original. I didn't like this year's Chris's version of it. I disagree with Randy as I am listening to his comments. In the words of Stevie G "Don't like it!"

It's May and Working Out

I can't believe it is May already. The year that I would have never thought would end is finally coming to a close. I think I had a good year with my students and I feel like they have learned a lot. I am excited to see what next year brings and to find out (hopefully shortly) whether I will be at my current school or the new school that is opening.

Working out to me makes me who I am at this point in my life. I feel like it helps define me. Is that strange? Sure it defines my muscles, but I also feel like it defines my personality, for better or for worse. I love working out and feel like I need to be taking classes at the gym religiously. I have been taking a spinning class about twice a week but it kills me. I can barely get though it. I keep hoping it will get easier but it seems to just get harder. I am thinking of changing my work out schedule a bit and trying to put in some different classes and see how those work for me. We shall see.