With all of this going on at home (in Nola) and being 600 miles away, I am feeling an extreme feeling of disconnect. I have always kind of felt disconnected but it is even more prevelant to me now. I just wonder and I doing the right thing my living so far away from my family. Is it crazy that I moved so far away? I feel really lost right now. I do pretty good during the day but at night it starts getting a little rough and very confusing. I was looking at nola.com and I was reminded that hurricane season started soon. Well, my mom has always been the one to drive when we had to evacuate and stuff. I normally made the hotel reservations because I go crazy during hurricane season. Who is going to take my dad? I mean I know he can drive and everything but he was never really one that wanted to evacuate. What happens when another storm has New Orleans in its sights? People keep telling me that I don't need to take care of my dad but I kind of feel like I do, its strange.
I also feel like I am burdening my friends with always talking about this whole situation that is going on right now. I mean how long can they listen to me analyze the situation. I try my best to ask and see what they are up to but I will realize I won't even remember what they said because my brain is off somewhere else thinking about home.
I feel like I am going to lose my mom. She is someone who I talk to all the time and many many times a day. I feel like now because she will be happier with her love life she won't want to talk to me as much. She says this is not the case but what happens in a few months? I mean I live here ... out of sight out of mind? Maybe we are so close because she was unhappy in her marriage.
I have never felt more like a kid then in these past few days. It is disturbing.
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A twenty-six year old single girl trying to make it on her ownn. Some of the post are about teaching while most are about random inane things having to do with my quarter-life crisis.
1 comment:
Not to sound like a counselor, but what you're going through is completely normal. Your world has been thrown up in the air. Your natural reaction is to run back home and try to fix it. But you CANT do that. It's not your problem to fix. Being at home would not change anything and honestly would just stress you out more. You may be right. Your dad may be stubborn and not want to leave during hurricane season. But you can do the same thing from Florida that you did in New Orleans. You can still book hotels for him from Florida if you really feel you need to, but remember that he is the adult and he is the one who needs to be the adult. Your responsibility is primarily to yourself and you can't make anyone else happy until you're ok with you. So start working on that. Don't run home. Your mom's not going anywhere. You know that your mom would never abandon you and no one could ever push you out of her life. Like I said earlier, this is a big change, and change is a new experience, and new things take awhile to get used to before they feel normal. But I promise that all of this will eventually feel normal. One last piece of advice...don't try to quit smoking again anytime in the next couple of months ;)
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