New Years's Eve and Resolutions

I should be in disney world right not but I am not. I went yesterday and it was crazy crowded and then we went out drinking last night. I got tired and wanted to be at home so i had a friend come and pick me up. So now I am at home and have been reflecting on the past year - it's been a little rough - and decided that i need to make some changes within to become a better me. So here in no particular order are my resolutions or maybe better stated things i will work on in this new year

1. Be a better friend - stop challenging and testing my friends. Accept them for who they are because they accept me for who I am.
2. Be a better daughter and sister - I have been pretty good in this department but feel like I could work harder to make sure the bonds will stay strong.
3. Be a better teacher - my students deserve all of my effort and attention. I might be the only person that ever tells them and shows them that someone cares about them. i need to keep this on my mind at all times.

Those are some big challenges. But the people i look up to in my life have a lot of these things down and I want to model myself after different people in my life. Some have so much drive and determination, some are amzing family members, some are just the best friends a person could ever have.

Happy New year i hope 2008 is great!

Love

So I think live is a strange animal. I have always loved my family and friends but don't ever think I have been in love ... until now and let me just tell you the song love hurts oh yeah Nazareth was right. So I am in love with a guy and he doesn't care to talk to me anymore because I am really not the easiest person to be with. (My friends put up with a lot of crap I must say.) It was all going well and then around 3:30am Sunday morning, it fell apart. And yeah was it my fault sure, but I feel like if he wasn't so damn scared it could have been okay. All I can think about is him and all I talk about is him. It is driving me crazy. I haven't cried today over it which is a step in the right direction but I am just not sure how to move on. I don't date very often so that won't be any help. And some of my friends say oh he will come around yadda yadda ... I don't think so. I have actually messaged him online a couple (or a few) times since our blow out and he hasn't responded. I don't really expect him to either, although I do come on my computer a lot more often to see if he has in fact imed me. He hasn't. I sent him a message and I can see if he read it or not. He did and he didn't respond and that was last night. So i guess I just have to put those feelings off to the side and say okay it is done. Love hurts.

Relationships ... or a lack there of

So I had a guy and I really liked him but whenever we would get to close I would freak out a little bit. I have a list and he doesn't meet the qualities on this list. Well i finally told him last week that I had strong feelings for him and he never responded. I decided to text him today and see if he wanted to get coffee. Well, he is already dating someone (I already knew this) and he says he likes both of us a lot. Now mincd you he has only been dating this person for like 3 weeks, so if he likes her as much as he likes me then he can't like me as much as I like him. I messaged him back and forth for a while over text (never can be a convo on the phone or in person) and I think now I just need to let him go.

Divorced Parents and Christmas Time

So it's Christmas time and almost time for me to go home. This year I am going home to a confusing situation. I did it in July but going home around a holiday is a little bit different. My relationship with my mom continues to be strong but my relationship with my dad is crap as it always has been. He insist on picking me up from the airport when I get home yet he hasn't called me for a week. My mom was and is the one I always talk to and spend time with. I ask my dad tonight (when i call him because of course he doesn't call me) what is going on for Christmas he says nothing. So then in my head i go "great, then I can spend it with my mom." But would this be being a good child? I am so conflicted. I want to be with my mom. My dad and I have nothing to talk about and our convos on the phone are never more than 3 minutes. I am just confused and know what I want to do and think I know the right think to do but they are definitely conflicting at the moment.