New Years's Eve and Resolutions

I should be in disney world right not but I am not. I went yesterday and it was crazy crowded and then we went out drinking last night. I got tired and wanted to be at home so i had a friend come and pick me up. So now I am at home and have been reflecting on the past year - it's been a little rough - and decided that i need to make some changes within to become a better me. So here in no particular order are my resolutions or maybe better stated things i will work on in this new year

1. Be a better friend - stop challenging and testing my friends. Accept them for who they are because they accept me for who I am.
2. Be a better daughter and sister - I have been pretty good in this department but feel like I could work harder to make sure the bonds will stay strong.
3. Be a better teacher - my students deserve all of my effort and attention. I might be the only person that ever tells them and shows them that someone cares about them. i need to keep this on my mind at all times.

Those are some big challenges. But the people i look up to in my life have a lot of these things down and I want to model myself after different people in my life. Some have so much drive and determination, some are amzing family members, some are just the best friends a person could ever have.

Happy New year i hope 2008 is great!

Love

So I think live is a strange animal. I have always loved my family and friends but don't ever think I have been in love ... until now and let me just tell you the song love hurts oh yeah Nazareth was right. So I am in love with a guy and he doesn't care to talk to me anymore because I am really not the easiest person to be with. (My friends put up with a lot of crap I must say.) It was all going well and then around 3:30am Sunday morning, it fell apart. And yeah was it my fault sure, but I feel like if he wasn't so damn scared it could have been okay. All I can think about is him and all I talk about is him. It is driving me crazy. I haven't cried today over it which is a step in the right direction but I am just not sure how to move on. I don't date very often so that won't be any help. And some of my friends say oh he will come around yadda yadda ... I don't think so. I have actually messaged him online a couple (or a few) times since our blow out and he hasn't responded. I don't really expect him to either, although I do come on my computer a lot more often to see if he has in fact imed me. He hasn't. I sent him a message and I can see if he read it or not. He did and he didn't respond and that was last night. So i guess I just have to put those feelings off to the side and say okay it is done. Love hurts.

Relationships ... or a lack there of

So I had a guy and I really liked him but whenever we would get to close I would freak out a little bit. I have a list and he doesn't meet the qualities on this list. Well i finally told him last week that I had strong feelings for him and he never responded. I decided to text him today and see if he wanted to get coffee. Well, he is already dating someone (I already knew this) and he says he likes both of us a lot. Now mincd you he has only been dating this person for like 3 weeks, so if he likes her as much as he likes me then he can't like me as much as I like him. I messaged him back and forth for a while over text (never can be a convo on the phone or in person) and I think now I just need to let him go.

Divorced Parents and Christmas Time

So it's Christmas time and almost time for me to go home. This year I am going home to a confusing situation. I did it in July but going home around a holiday is a little bit different. My relationship with my mom continues to be strong but my relationship with my dad is crap as it always has been. He insist on picking me up from the airport when I get home yet he hasn't called me for a week. My mom was and is the one I always talk to and spend time with. I ask my dad tonight (when i call him because of course he doesn't call me) what is going on for Christmas he says nothing. So then in my head i go "great, then I can spend it with my mom." But would this be being a good child? I am so conflicted. I want to be with my mom. My dad and I have nothing to talk about and our convos on the phone are never more than 3 minutes. I am just confused and know what I want to do and think I know the right think to do but they are definitely conflicting at the moment.

In a funk

So I am completely in a funk. I was sick for two weeks and now am getting sick again. I just can't seem to shake this cold. My mom, her boyfriend, and my sister came in town and all I can say is that was a train wreck. I feel like my mom and I don't have the same bond that we used to ever since she sperated from my dad and it sucks. She calls me and has 30 sec convos with me. DON'T CALL ME UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME. AHHHHH!!!!

Not Laid back

So I always thought I was a laid back person. In the past week it has been brought to my attention that I am in fact not laid back. I am one of those people who has to do things right now, which often leads to awkward sleeping patterns. Since I started grad school last week, I have been working like crazy on assignments that are due in two weeks as well as ones that are due in a month and a half. My friend said she would not consider me lasid back in fact she says I am quite the opposite. So tonight I asked my mom if she considered me laid back and she also informed me that I am not. I am supposedly hyper and very crazy about doing things the minute I recieve them. Oh well, any other words that descirbe a non-laid back person?

Exhausted

I am so burned out from this week. In addition to it only being the second week back to work, I started my grad program and started working for Weight Watchers. I haven't been getting home at night until between 8 and 9. My working out also suffered this week but I should get back on track next week. I think I really need to be working out because it truely gives me more energy. I am seriously considered getting into bed shortly.

Work has been going really well. I am glad I made the move to the new school. My class seems a little bit lower that where I started last year but I am going to be able to pull them up. My class is seeming to gel. I just have two or three outliers that seem to make my day harder that it needs to be. I know I will always have at least one though. One of them was absent today, and the other two got called up to the office for some bus issues and my class had never run so smoothly.

I am really happy this weekend is Labor Day weekend. I just hope my textbooks for my grad school classes get here so I can be caught up on readings for Tuesday. I had to order them online and even paid for the quick shipping but they still haven't arrived and that is frustrating me. The biggest problem is UPS doesn't deliever on Saturdays and then Monday is a holiday so the soonest I would get them is Tuesday. I am going to try to get ahead on some assignment I can get ahead on this weekend since I have an extra day.

First Week of School and other life happenings

The first week of school was a success. I feel so comfortable and this new school and am liking it so much better that my last. I feel like I know way more this year then I ever did last year. I am very happy that I made this switch. Things are also getting less confusing as far as things that come up at a brand new school. The only thing that is a little frustrating is that I am used to second graders at the end of the year and it is strange to feel like I am going back to square one but I realize this will happen every year.

Grad school starts Tuesday so I will be very busy. I am going to have to learn to run on less sleep and to try to fit in working out whenever I can get a chance. I also am starting training to work as a receptionist for Weight Watchers on Thursday night so all in all it is going to be a very busy upcoming week!

A Successful First Day

Today was my first day with students and it seemed to go really well. I did learn a lot about my students today the main thing that sticks out in my mind is their lack of writing skills. I gave a writing preassessment today to see where they are and they just don't have it at all. We will get there though. We are using a new writing program that I think I can really get on board with and like a lot.

Today was also VERY long. Dismissal took 2 HOURS. The way the school is set up cars and the buses come down the same way. Well this path is very narrow so the buses were having lots of trouble getting through so it definitely took a while. Hopefully we can resolve some of that for tomorrow.

I am exhausted. Getting back to work is some what of a shock to the body. I am sure it will get easier with each passing day!

Even more trainings

So I am in my second week of trainings and am learning a good amount. I feel like for a lot of the trainings though you really need to get in there and try the things out before you will know exactly what your questions are. In two days from now, I know my brain will be on overload and I won't remeber anything I have learned this week.

So far my class is sitting at under 18 students. I am hoping that it stays this way. Last year I had 22 and that is a lot of little ones. Although it doesn't sound like a huge difference, just 4 children can make a huge difference in your plans and the time you have. I got a class list today and I will probably get 4 more before school starts but that is just kind of the way the public school system is.

I am ready to get in and meet my students. This week we have orientation where I will get to meet at least some of my class and I am definitely looking forward to that.

Lots of Trainings

So this week, I went to a ton of trainings starting off the new school year. One I had been to before and another one I had heard a lot about but had never been trained on them. This one was thinking maps. Thinking maps like to claim that they are not graphic organizers. For any teachers out there, what do you think? I really think that a thinking map is essential a graphic organizer. That is just my feeling.

I have another week of training coming up and then I get the little ones on the 20th and am very excited. So far my class is at 17 and that sounds great to me. I am ready to get my kids and dive into the school year. Being a new school, I have so many materials that I never had last year. I was an extra class last year in my grade level that they had never had so I was lacking in a ton of the materials that everyone else had. I was so excited to see all the materials and cannot wait to get my hands on them!

On an added note, GO SAINTS!

One of the Joys of Opening a New School

This year I will be working at a brand new school ... like brand new as construction is still going on. I was there today working a little in my classroom and then helping to sort textbooks. We recieved almost 20 pallets of textbooks and they all had to be sorted by grade and teacher. Some of the boxes were "grab bags" where the people who pack the boxes just throw random things together in boxes. Well I feel like I need to help out in this process because the only other thing I could be doing right now would be laying on my couch. I got a big time workout today lifting 50 pound boxes of textbooks and moving them around. Now my back is killing me. I just kind of look around and say stupid things like "aren't there people in the county that do this?" And apparently that person in the AP. If the AP didn't have teacher volunteers she would be doing all this work herself. I think that really just puts a lot on the AP's shoulders. It's crazy. It also it good to help out because then administration will have a good warm fuzzy feeling about you since you were there helping out when you didn't have to be. Maybe this will help me out later in the year. Good karma.

Reading First and No Call, No Email

So I survived my first day at the four day professional development on Reading First that I am attending. Most of the other people there had to go bc their schools are reading first schools. Mine is not but I chose to go to hopefully pick up so new things and to earn the nice stipend. Today I learned that sitting in a chair for 8 hours is more exhausting then teaching children. I also learned that I had some of my terminology confused (not terminology I would use with the students but just things that would help me sound like I actually know what I am talking about sometimes.) I haven't seen anything as of yet that I am truly excited about implementing. Hopefully that will come in the next three days.

I am so exhausted though it is ridiculous. I woke up WAY before my alarm clock today so I was up at 5:11am. I haven't seen that time in a long time and shouldn't have this morning but my body just woke up. Oh well. Early to bed tonight.

On the guy side of things, I haven't recieved a call or an email from the guy with kids. He told me he was interested but from the lack of communication all I see in major disintrest. Life goes on. Since I do the internet dating thing (I realize how this sounds but I have trouble meeting people) I decided to make a goal for myself of emailing two new people a day and see if anything pans out. I will let you know how that goes!

Skinny Women are Evil by Mo'Nique

I just finished reading the book "Skinny Women are Evil" by Mo'Nique (from The Parkers and my fav Charm School.) It was a funny read. It was semi autobiographical with funny antecdotes about why it is okay to be F.A.T (Fabulous and Thick) and why skinny evil ones are the way they are. I found it funny and the antedotes cracked me up. She dicusses her fitness tries, diet attempts, traveling issues, and shopping issues.

It was a quick read and I liked it although I couldn't buy all the things she said about why its good to be fabulous and thick. I was fat (fat that is not fabulous and thick) and worked my butt off to be skinny and wouldn't go back for anything. I am glad though that there is an uplifting funny read with things everyone can relate to.

Trying to figure out the male species

So ... men. Trying to meet someone when you feel like you are getting to an age where it feels like it ain't happening (hence quater-life crisis.) The newest guy in life is nice and everything but he doesn't fit my checklist - yeah I know I can't believe I have a little checklist (in my brain not actually on paper) but I do. But I talked to him (typed to him) last night and he said he would call today and we could go to the batting cages (I am somewhat not athletic but think I could be after all these workouts.) Well did he call or even a simple email. NO!!! Why would he do what he say he would? That would make too much damn sense. I just don't understand. He is older than I am (by more than a decade) and I thought older men were suppose to be more responsible. I suppose not. I mean I guess something better probably came around so he went for that. Whatever. I just don't get it and think I never will. I am not really a relationship person. My longest relationship has only been 5 months. I was also discussing with a friend today how I have never really been in love or loved another (besides family and friendship stuff.) Maybe I just don't have enough experience dating (relatively zero) to know what is going on. I guess I could email him but I don't want to seem desperate or anything and I am not even sure if I am that into him. Oh well, we shall see where this leads.

I can't believe I just sat through that ...

The dumbest movie ever. Napoleon Dynamite. I just didn't get it. I have heard it was funny. I didn't really think so I was just like what the hell the whole time. I have owned the movie for over two years and since I had nothing else to do today I decided to watch it ... so dumb. What do people like about this movie?

Last Day of Summer

Tomorrow is my last day of summer unfortunately. I have been wrestling with this fact in my head. I signed up to go to an optional 4 day professional development that starts on Tuesday and goes all day long. It's on reading and I could use more tips and strategies to teach reading. It also offers a stipend and I could definitely use that as well. I am going to go I just hate that my summer has flown by as it seems even though it has been longer than my other summers. Since I taught summer school for half of June and went home for a week in July it really cut down on my sitting around time. After this professional development, I start at school trainings. I start a week earlier than everyone else because I am going to a brand new school. So it will be cool.

Right now, I am having to talk to my dad and hear about his date today. How is it that my dad is dating and I am not? It is crazy.

I can do push ups ... and waiting to get into my classroom

So Wednesday at the gym I discovered I can do pushups. I had watched Shaq's Big Challenge the night before and saw those kids do pushups so I decided to try the normal kind up on your toes. I am happy to say I can now do push ups and am super proud of myself. Skipped the gym today on purpose because I had worked out the four prior days and then will go back tomorrow.

On to waiting to get into my classroom. I am going to a brand new school this year so we are waiting for the buildings to be ready. I am suppose to be able to get in sometime next week but I am also in professional development next week so I am not exactly sure when I am going to get to move in. I have to go back to work the Monday after the professional development so the next few weeks are going to be a whirl wind of activity. I need to write down some things on my calendar.

Skinny Bitch

My friend brought me this book to read. Her mother got it for her and Victoria Beckham (Sp?) was seen reading it. Hated it. Talked all about how you should eat vegan and everything should be organic. Everything according to them is bad for you. If only they could see what I eat. The language is in this book is somewhat harsh as well. F this and f that yadda yadda. Its a little much if you ask me. I think people who were thinking about going vegan would find this book helpful but I definitely do not see if causing a revolution.

My Direction in Life

I have been really confused lately and have been feeling really trapped. I want to do something else with my life besides teach but I am not exactly sure what. I am starting a master's program in social work in the fall but am not sure that is the path I want to take. I am so confused. I have so many things I want to do in my head but don't know how to get there. My master's program is also stressing my out because normally I go home for a week at Thanksgiving but I am not sure I am going to be able to do that this fall. My university is out only on Thursday and Friday and my classes are on Tuesday and Wednesday. Maybe they would get cancelled but that is really stressing me out now because if I don't go home for Thanksgiving I wouldn't get to go home until the end of Decemeber for Christmas and that seems far away. I guess we shall see. Any ideas of what I should do with my life????

Young and Fun

I feel like I am not having enough fun like I should be having given my young age and single status. I think I should be going out more and trying to meet new people and do different things. Sometimes I think I should be back at home because I know a lot more people where I am from and a lot of them would be willing to do a lot of things that I don't do here because i don't have anyone to go and do them with. I want to be young and fun!

Wearing Jeans on Fridays while teaching and other randoms from my day

So today I went to a meeting at work to discuss different arising things that happen when you are opening a new school. Jeans. I love wearing jeans on Friday to work ... it makes me feel like it is truly Friday. I work at an elementary school so I never thought it made me look unprofessional to the students. So up came the topic of paying a dollar every Friday to wear jeans to establish a faculty fund (in addition to paying the $20 for the year to have parties and stuff.) This aggrevated me so I said something. I thought it was crazy and so did someone else at the table but she isn't as outspoken as I am. In the end, the principal decided that we should only wear jeans once a month and will probably have to pay a dollar. I understand that I guess. For a long time this particular principal was a stickler about pantyhouse and closed toe shoes but she has definitely laxed on that. We can even wear nice looking bermudas (I know what this means but I am sure others do not.) So I am happy that she has relaxed a little one that and maybe the jean thing is just to much for her to take in a year. I understand. But as far as I am concerned khakis and jeans are on the same level. My mother disagrees but I will hold adamatly to this belief. Could someone nominate me for What Not to Wear so I could buy some amazing clothes (I have nice clothes but I lose weight pretty often because I am in a losing pattern and I need better fitting clothes ... I love my clothes FYI.) Ah such is life and I will get over it.

Tomorrow night on the agenda is to learn how to iron while drinking Sangria. Sounds like a plan to me lol. I bought an iron and board today and have never ironed so my friend agreed to teach me how tomorrow night. Then we will meet up with her boyfriend and some fellow umpires (who knows who will show up) so that could be interesting. We shall see.

Step Dad

So today I went to school and helped unpack lots of pallets of supplies (not the most fun in the world and my body is paying for it now.) Anyway ... the title of this post will make sense I swear. I was talking to the two other girls that were also unpacking and we were talking about why we were there and most of the reasons had to do with needing days off when school started. I talked about how I needed a Friday off in Septemeber because my mom and my step dad (makes sense now doesn't it) are coming to visit. So I have decided to people that don't know me and that I am just meeting I will from now on refer to my mom's boyfriend as my step dad. They will be married eventually anyway and it is just easier to say step dad than boyfriend (mom's boyfriend sounds really funny to me.) Oh well.

MY ARMS HURT. After a long day of picking up too many boxes, I decided to be glutton for punishment and go to the gym for my body pump class (it is a weight lifting class and if your gym offers it, I highly recommend it.) So now I am in even more pain and I can't tell how many calories I have eaten today because I went and had sushi so of course my weight went up because of the soy sauce but that is driving me a little nuts. I am too much of a control freak about my weight to just eat anything without knowing the caloric content.

Anyway ... I am going to go finish watching Shaq's Big Challange (I think that is the name.) Love it and next year I am going to make sure I stretch in my classroom and make sure my kids are super active so I do not encourage childhood obesity.

Getting back in the swing of things

So I finally went back to the gym today. Thank goodness. Just trying to get back into a normal routine which is difficult because it is summer and being a teacher I don't work during the summer. I am still emotionally zapped though. Like you wouldn't even believe. I started tanning today to get bronzed! Yeah for planet beach here!

Feeling Alone

So ever since I haven't gotten back (it hasn't even been 48 hours yet) I am feeling extremley alone. I had gotten used to it but then I went back to my hometown and was constantly surronded by people so it is a harsh reality to come back to not having a lot of people around all the time. I feel a strange sort of disconnect from the world outside. It sucks.

Back

So I have been back for a little over 24 hours now and it has been a whirlwind since I have been back. My car was broken down when I got back so I had to deal with that and then I was kind of sad to be gone from home even though the trip was somewhat stressful.

I ended up going to the wake and was glad I did. I felt like I got to offer some support to one of his closest friends that I know so that was good.

My trip otherwise is somewhat of a blur. Always out and about and around doing something. I met my mom's boyfriend and he is a very nice man. It was just a little strange.

My sleeping schedule is way messed up and I want to get to the gym but am exhausted lately even though I took a 4 hour nap today. We shall see how it goes.

Going home

Ahhh ... so in about 48 hours I will be back in NOLA for the first time in 6 months. It is a completely different situation from the last time that I went there as now my mother lives uptown with her boyfriend/fiance and my dad lives in the house I grew up in. I am sure this trip will leave some memorable stories. I was talking about divorcing parents today at work with the other teachers and it actually seemed common that people's parents get divorced when you are older. One of the teacher's got divorced when her son was 30 and some other teachers were talking about when their friend's parents got divorced when they were older. It is a definite strange situation though got to tell you that.

I talked with some of my sorority sisters and we have decided to go to the wake on Saturday as we thought it would be a good idea to pay our respects and support his close friends that we know. We decided not to stay for the service as we didn't feel like we knew him well enough to do that. Wakes make me nervous.

On another note, tomorrow is my last day of teaching summer school. 70% of my kids have passed the test to allow them to go on to the next grade so I am happy about that. They took the test on Tuesday and then we had no school Wednesday and then we had today and tomorrow. Today was a waste of time. We watched Cars and Hercules and had VERY exteneded reccesses. Tomorrow we will watch Shrek 2 and have a sort of celebration for the end of summer school. I am glad I was only there for two and a half weeks. I don't know that I could have done it all 5 weeks. It is a whole day thing so it wears on you especially with some of the behavior problems I have in my class. We were told that behavior problems would not be tolerated when we were hired ... this is in fact false. Oh well. At least I made some extra cash. That is always a good thing!

How do you know ...

How do you know when it is appropriate for yourself to go to someone's funeral? How well do you have to know someone for yourself to go and for it not to offend people and for them to be like "why is she here?"

The funeral service for this guy I knew happens to be on Saturday when I fly in. I knew him not the well. We hung out a few times and I talked to him not many times in the past few years up until about a week ago. Should I go to his funeral? I know funerals are really more for the people that are the person's friends like to give them closer and stuff so should I go? I mean I don't want to offend people by them thinking that I didn't know him well enough to go. I am confused.

Feeling guilty

So I am feeling guilty about being sad because he died. I mean I knew him and everything but we were never close or anything. I feel extremley guilty for feeling sad because I barely knew him it feels like. I feel super bad for his close close friends. I don't know I keep getting the chills and it makes me feel even more guilty.

RIP Marc

So a guy that I knew back at home and had just talked to for the first time in a couple of years apparently committed suicide. This was the guy I had plans to hang out with. RIP Marc.

Awesome Shoes and other randomness

I went shopping today and bought these awesome shoes. I love them! I also got some other clothes from a great store that I have never heard of called Windsor Fashions. They rock! I am so excited about going home and seeing my friends and people I haven't seen in a while.

In other news, I haven't heard back from the guy that I am suppose to get together with when I am at home. I myspaced messaged him last night and he hasn't responded but it doesn't look like he he has signed in. I texted him phone (some friends and I were enjoying wine and it seemed like a damn good idea although maybe not) and he didn't respond so I don't think I will be meeting up with him on my trip.

Guys and summer school

So I feel like I have been single for long enough. You know what I mean? I have lost 85lbs in the past year and a half and have been working on myself and have become a much better person and I feel like I actually deserve a cool person in my life. I am a little freaked out about meeting up with this guy at home when I go. I mean I don't know. I don't even know what we would chat about and uncomfortable silences are well uncomfortable. I guess I will need to see where my life is leading me when I arrive there.

Only 5 more days of teaching summer school. Thank goodness. Teaching summer school is more tiring then the normal school year. I feel like I lack a lot of support in summer school. Today my director told me that my "frequent bathroom breaks" were bad for my students. I go to the bathroom twice when I am not on break. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Really I understand that kids are the focus, but I am in fact a person too. 5 more days. That is my mantra.

Random Story ... I felt like typing it okay?

So a few years ago when I was in a sorority and weighed about 80lbs more then I do now I had a crush on a guy who was a few years older than I was. We hung out a couple of times but he never really paid me a bit of attention. So it March I decide to add him on the myspace friends list and he messaged me and was like who is this and i told him and he was like oh its too bad you don't still live here bc we could hang out (really easy to say to someone that lives 600 miles away.)

Fast forward to last night ... I had a dream and he was in it. So I decided to post a bulletin on myspace that went to all my friends saying I was coming home in a couple of weeks. So I get home from the gym and he has messaged me saying we should hang out when I am there if I have time. So I message him back and say that would be cool and gave him my AIM name for if he wanted to im me. He did and we talked for a few minutes and I gave him my number and I gave him mine. And so now we might hang out when I go home in a few weeks. RANDOM!! And now I am feeling all giddy inside even though I feel like someone is playing a HUGE joke on me. We shall see.

Newbery Challange #2

So last night in about an hour I knocked out my second book for the Newbery Challange. I read "Number the Stars" by Lois Lowry. I read this book when I was in either 5th or 6th grade. I love this book. I think it helps to make the history of the Holocost more real to children because it puts in into the perspective of children their own age. I like how Lowry discusses in her afterword how she actually based some of the characters on real people from history. I think it shows children how they can stand up for what they believe in and how even though they may be young, they can still help to protect themselves and others.

Summer School and Weight Watchers

So today around 4, I found out that I will be teaching summer school for students who didn't pass out state test. I was originally suppose to do it from the beginning (it started June 4th) but they didn't have enough kids. Well, one of the teachers I know had to quit so they called me and asked me if I wanted to do so I will be starting tomorrow bright and early. I kind of want to do it and kinda of don't. I guess I need the money though.

I talked to my dad earlier and he went to his first weight watchers meeting so that is good for his health. Of course now he wants to ask me millions of questions about it. Oh well, I guess it will help keep us close. And if weight watchers works for my dad, ANYONE can do it!

Stress

So today has been a little crazy. Last night I went into Orlando and hung out with one of my sorority sisters who was in for a conference so that was cool. I got home early this morning and then tonight I talked to my dad again today and that caused some stress. He was saying things like he thinks my mom doesn't want my sister to live with her because she wants her freedom yadda yadda. I know this isn't true. They are going to a lawyer on Tuesday to see if they can work out things with one lawyer for cost purposes. My friend who i hung out with last night is an attorney so I was talking to her about that situation and asking lots of questions. She said people who get divorced normally only use the same lawyer in about 2% of cases and that she hoped it worked out for them but it probably wouldn't. I am just going a little crazy because I will be there in July and I think my dad thinks that he has me in his pocket so to speak and that I will always be at his house and we will be hanging out the whole time. This is not true. I want to spend time with my mom and my friends as well. I am just not sure how to break this to him. I think it might be best to wait until I got there until I deal with it. My mom said she would talk to him about it but I don't really want that because I don't want him to feel like he has lost his family all together and then maybe he would build a wall towards me because I didn't want to stay with him the whole time. Holidays are going to be hell this year.

Late night

So I was in bed reading and got a call from my friend asking if I wanted to meet for a drink. So I got out of bed and went to applebees in basically my pjs which consist of gym shorts and a tshirt. I didn't have a drink but I did have an okay ww shrimp skewer salad. The shrimp were actually pretty good. Now I am really awake because I just drank to huge diet cokes. Tomorrow I think I might work out but who knows. I already worked out four times this week and will work out Saturday so I am thinking of giving my body a rest. We shall see.

I just finished reading a book called Tubby Meets Katrina by Tony Dunbar. Good book. Fiction actually. My mom turned me on to it and it is a book about the whole storm and how a character dealt with it while being a mystery novel at the same time. Pretty good. Now I am on to another James Patterson which I am going to go read now.

Random Jealousy

So I am now feeling jealous of my sister Mallory. For the first time tonight she will be sleeping at my mother's residence. So formal sounding I know. I am jealous because I don't get to be around and see how my mother and her boyfriend (WEIRD) are together and I don't get to she her truely happy. I talk to her everyday but I want to be able to hang out with her again because she really is one of my closest friends. Is this normal? I just have this strange feeling of disconnect that I come upon every few days. I feel disconnected from my family and my former life back in NOLA. I wish I could go home sooner but no such luck.

Dad

Talking to my dad is becoming a chore. I don't like to do it and I think it makes my blood pressure rise. He has good and bad days going through all this stuff and today was a not so good day. My sister is sleeping at my mom's tonight but she didn't know how to tell my dad and ended up lying and saying that she was sleeping at a friends. It is just a very delicate situation. My dad and I have nothing in common and he never really asks what I am up to so I just kind offer it up. I get so worried about things. Then my aunt (my dad's sis who is a nun) calls me and reminds me that Sunday is Father's Day. Really no shit. I am 25 years old and happen to be very aware of such holidays. Also she tells me that she is going out of town so I might need to call my dad more. I call him three times a day ... I am not sure what more I can do. I am trying.

How you know you do not need therapy ...

1. You analyze yourself better then this therapist/counselor ever could.

2. You find what you thought to be your problem so boring to this person that they dig back.

3. You are pissed the entire time you are there because you feel like you have friends that could do a better job for free.

That is all.

Step Dads and Different Last Names

If ten years ago or even three years ago you asked me if I ever thought that at 25 I would be getting a step dad soon enough I would have told you that I thought you were crazy. But it is indeed happening. I guess I always thought that after you moved away and stuff your parents would be together forever. I was wrong. My mom seems really happy lately and I am very glad for her. There is talk of a small wedding (one I would not be a part of due to so many issues of who to invite and who not to invite) and then I would have a step dad. A step dad who I have been told wants to be my friend. Hey I am open to that. I would be happy to have yet another positive role model in my life (not that having an affair is a great thing but to help show me how marriage can be) would be great. Talking to my dad dad I have realized that his view of marriage was always extremley skewed and he thought just being faithful and bringing home a pay check was enough to sustain a marriage. It is in fact not. I always thought i would never wait on someone the way my mom waited on my dad. I thought there should always be an equal share in marriage and that the person you marry would be one who you wanted to spend most of your time with. I do hope marriage happens for me.

On to different last names. I was talking to my mom about if she would change her last name when she got remarried and she will in fact do this. It is kinda sad to have a different last name from my mom as I had discussed with someone else earlier this weekend. But then my mom brought up the point, that hopefully eventually I will in fact have a different last name when I get married. Didn't think of it that way.

Breach of Faith

I just finished reading Breach of Faith by Jed Horne that was about Katrina. It was a good book. I had read the Great Deluge last year and the books are pretty much the same. I think it is vry interesting to read about the different events that took place and reading different peoples' opinions as to why it ended up being such a disaster. It was good and I would recommend it.

Saturday

So being off of work makes the weekends pretty uneventful. Just kind of laying around. Went to a interview for weight watchers to be a receptionist at the meetings. It went pretty well and it is something that I would really like to do. I really believe in the program and it helped me so I guess the best thing would be to work for them.

Otherwise today I have just been reading a good book about Katrina called Breach of Faith by Jed Horne. Very interesting as well as very long. I have rediscovered the library as I often do during the summer. I don't have any extra funds to buy books so the next best thing is to go to the library.

I have been talking to my mom a lot and am looking forward to seeing her new house and meeting her boyfriend (I have met him before but don't really remember.) Soon enough ... probably early next year, he will become my step dad. Strange. Then I will have a step brother and sister. Also, strange.

I have decided ... probably, unless another hurricane hits New Orleans, that i will probably move back there after I have completed my master's program in three years. I just feel like if I have kids and stuff I want them to know my family. People always ask me if I have family here and then seem to find it strange that I live here without any family but I don't find it that abnormal. But to paraphrase Chris Rose, she is a New Orleans girl and even if they live away, they always come back.

Back by myself

So my sister was here Monday through today and it was a fun time. We went to Universal in Orlando and Busch Gardens in Tampa. We had a good time and it was good to hang out with someone who knew what I was going through.

I have been feeling okay about everything. I am going home in a month and am stressed about that a little.

Stress

My sister is coming in this morning. It is only 6am and I am already awake. I didn't sleep very well last night and then I was talking to her already because she called and she is very stressed out and sick to her stomach. I think she is nervous about flying. I don't know how often she has actually flown by herself. I am now feeling somewhat sick as well. I guess sympathy sickness. I am not sure. I am happy to she my sister and we will be able to talk and kind of wrap our brains around all that is going on. I am very happy to see her. In about an hour I will be leaving to go to the airport at about the same time her plane takes off. Random how long it takes to get to the airport when you live in the middle of nowhere.

Everyday is different

So going through all of this with my parents divorcing and all, I wake up in a different mood everyday. Yesterday, I woke up severly pissed off at my mom and really wouldn't talk to her throughout the day. My friends have been great though. One of them made me go out and we got pedicures and went shopping and stuff so that really helped me get my mind off of everything. I bought a couple of books to read to try to keep my mind off of things which is also helping. My mom and her boyfriend are thinking about coming to visit in October which could be cool. No one has ever come to visit me here (besides my bff, you're the best Chris!) and I would like my mom to see how I am living here and stuff. Show her the places I frequent etc. My dad was in a better mood so that helped to. And then he talked about how eventually he would like to start dating. Whoa! Crazy. I guess its strange being 25 and having your parents seperate. I guess its easier in some ways and harder in others that being younger. I just don't know. Parents dating freaks me out lol. But I guess I will get used to it in time. We shall see!

Disconnected

With all of this going on at home (in Nola) and being 600 miles away, I am feeling an extreme feeling of disconnect. I have always kind of felt disconnected but it is even more prevelant to me now. I just wonder and I doing the right thing my living so far away from my family. Is it crazy that I moved so far away? I feel really lost right now. I do pretty good during the day but at night it starts getting a little rough and very confusing. I was looking at nola.com and I was reminded that hurricane season started soon. Well, my mom has always been the one to drive when we had to evacuate and stuff. I normally made the hotel reservations because I go crazy during hurricane season. Who is going to take my dad? I mean I know he can drive and everything but he was never really one that wanted to evacuate. What happens when another storm has New Orleans in its sights? People keep telling me that I don't need to take care of my dad but I kind of feel like I do, its strange.

I also feel like I am burdening my friends with always talking about this whole situation that is going on right now. I mean how long can they listen to me analyze the situation. I try my best to ask and see what they are up to but I will realize I won't even remember what they said because my brain is off somewhere else thinking about home.

I feel like I am going to lose my mom. She is someone who I talk to all the time and many many times a day. I feel like now because she will be happier with her love life she won't want to talk to me as much. She says this is not the case but what happens in a few months? I mean I live here ... out of sight out of mind? Maybe we are so close because she was unhappy in her marriage.

I have never felt more like a kid then in these past few days. It is disturbing.

Another Day in a Long Journey

Day three - I have been pretty good all day. On the phone constantly, I have had to charge my cell phone twice today (thank goodness for night and weekend minutes.) My sister is coming to stay with me next week for about four days so that will be good. I got to talk to my mom today for an extended period of time and it felt good and she does seem happy. I feel like I should be madder at her and just don't feel it. Talking to my dad is very taxing. He is so upset and angry and he says things that he shouldn't say to children (even at 25 I am still his kid) and it is hard. I held it together wonderfully today until about 10:40 tonight. After I talked to him, I just had a breakdown because it is so hard to talk to him. He talks about how my sister and him are on his side (which we are not, we are trying our damndest not to chose) and he ask me questions that i don't want to answer so I have to lie and say I have no idea and its hard. I am exhausted and can't sleep.

It's hard being 900 miles away while all of this is going on. I don't have a strong support system here (my friends are great but we all have our own things going on.)

I looked up therapist tonight because I think I need to go speak to someone. Just to vent it out to someone who knows nothing about the situation.

Day 2 of a very long process

So it has now been a full day and a half since I have found out that my parents are getting divorced. I am having a rough go of it. Constantly on the phone speaking with people who are offering me things even though I am 600 miles away and no longer a child. I am just extremley confused and angry. I feel like I should be more angry though. I feel worse for my sister though because she is 17 and having a rough go of it. My mom wants her to come here for a week and my sister wants me to go there for a week (she probably wants me to stay forever but that isn't happening) and I am just confused. I want to be with my sister but am nervous to go home because I can only imagine what I am walking into. My mom doesn't seem to want me to go there at all (I have tickets for July and am suppose to go there then.) So I really don't understand. She says she wants me to come home in July but not now and I just talked to my sister and she has a lot going on down there (ACT, Senior pics etc) so we are talking about her coming up June 1st and leaving the 7th. I am confused and can't motivate myself to go to bed. Strange I know.

Falling apart at the seams

I am officially falling apart. Around 1 today, I got a call from my mother to tell me that she was leaving my father. Apparently she has been having an affair for some months now and it came to a head today. I am feeling very effected by the whole thing but feel worse for my sister. I have a sister who is 17 and about to be a senior in high school. She now feels like she has to chose between them. I wish i could be there but I am three states away. I am also just trying to get everything together in my own brain.

Just 2 days and The Pursuit of happyness

Just two days left with my lovely second graders. I am so burnt out from the year with them but think I will definitely feel so sadness leaving them and never seeing most of them again (I am moving schools for the upcoming year.) I have a week off before I start teaching summer school to third graders. I am hoping that the week off and the prospect of new students and a much reduced class size will leave me feeling rejuvinated. I am sure that it will be a great experience (positive self talk.)

On to The Pusuit of Happyness. Nothing was on tv so I decided to go ahead and get a movie on demand and I chose The Pursuit of Happyness. It was a really good movie. I cried through a lot of it. To see that people can go through such issues and still come out a success gives me hope for a lot of my students who are not in such dire situations as the characters in this movie but they seem that dire to me.

To any teachers, do you keep in touch with students over the years?

I am good!

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

8 Cigarettes Away and 9 Days Away

So I definitely though I Sunday when I bought the nictotine gum that I would be chewing it by Tuesday or today (Wednesday.) Not so. Apparently I donn't smoke as many cigarettes a day as I thought I did or I have slowed done to try to savor them for as long as possible. I have discoved over the past 4 days that I only smoke an average of 7 cigarettes a day during the week. It really helps that I can't smoke at work. So it looks like Friday will be quitting time. That stresses me out a little because I always smoke more on the weekends but I am going to do this and get through it. I know I can. I have overcome many hurdles in the past two years and know that this is the last major one that effects my health (I am sure there will be many more hurdles in others facets in my life.)

Just 9 more days with my lovely second graders in the dusty school. It's crazy to know that I have made it through my second year of teaching and will be doing it again next year. I had some challanges this year but overcame them. I will be switching to a brand new school (still being built) and I am really pumped about that but really nervous at the same time because I truely have no idea what to expect. The good thing is I will still be teaching second grade so there won't be too many surprises curriculm wise.

I am going crazy lately at school. Serious summer ADD is kicking in. I wonder if I could even function in a job where I would have to work all year long. Who knows. I will be teaching summer school and I will have about a week and a half break before that kicks in to gear for five weeks.

8 more cigarettes, 9 more days. It is my mantra.

I Want to Be A Quitter

So today I made an interesting purchase while I was at CVS. I made the decision a few weeks ago to quit smoking on May 23rd. Well, I decided I might as well not buy another carton of cigarettes and just buy the gum instead. So today I bought nicotine gum. I have about a pack and a half of cigarettes left that I am going to finish smoking so by Tuesday or Wednesday I will be a using the gum and be in a wonderful mood (I am trying positive self talk.) I am really stressed out about it though because I don't want to fail at it. My smoking is a lot of random habits. Knowing when I light up on the way to work, smoking when I am talking on the phone, etc. My mom said that if I could lose 80lbs like I did, then I should be able to quit smoking. I look back on losing all that weight and think about how easy it was. Hopefully I will be able to look back on quitting smoking and think about how easy that was as well.

Bon Jovi Night on Idol

So I am just getting around to watching Idol from last night thanks to my dvr. So I can't believe this guy Chris (is that his name?) decided to sing Wanted Dead or Alive after Chris Daughtry did it so incredibly last year. I loved Chris Daughtry's version from last year and have it on my iPod and listen to it more than I listen to the original. I didn't like this year's Chris's version of it. I disagree with Randy as I am listening to his comments. In the words of Stevie G "Don't like it!"

It's May and Working Out

I can't believe it is May already. The year that I would have never thought would end is finally coming to a close. I think I had a good year with my students and I feel like they have learned a lot. I am excited to see what next year brings and to find out (hopefully shortly) whether I will be at my current school or the new school that is opening.

Working out to me makes me who I am at this point in my life. I feel like it helps define me. Is that strange? Sure it defines my muscles, but I also feel like it defines my personality, for better or for worse. I love working out and feel like I need to be taking classes at the gym religiously. I have been taking a spinning class about twice a week but it kills me. I can barely get though it. I keep hoping it will get easier but it seems to just get harder. I am thinking of changing my work out schedule a bit and trying to put in some different classes and see how those work for me. We shall see.

Early on a Sunday

So this weekend has been really low key. Went to bed really early Friday night and last night we went to a single A baseball game. Pretty cool ... something to do and entertaining. I am now up at 8:15 am and have already been to the grocery and to get gas this morning. I wanted to go to Wal mart for groceries because it's the only place here that sells edamame and I always spend less money there because I hate how the grocery is set up. Well I went at 7:15 am and got to park in the first spot and didn't have to wait at all. I figured when I woke up that I might as well go then because I am probably not going to be able to convince myself to go later. I am not a huge fan of wal mart. Now I am just waiting to go to the gym for a 9am spinning class and praying that a lot of debit charges don't clear until after my pay check gets deposited tomorrow. Have a great day!

Holes

So even though the Newbery Challenge doesn't start until May 15th I just finished reading Holes by Louis Sachar. I have always enjoyed Louis Sachar especially his Wayside School series which I love reading to my second graders.

As for Holes ... it was an easy read but a great story. It is about a boy named Stanley Yelnats that ends up in a juvinile detention type center. At this particular center, they are forced to dig holes all day long. They realize they are looking for something but they are not sure what. It is a good book and the story flips back and forth between 110 years ago and the present and how it is all wrapped up in the end it amazing.

I would like to see this movie and see how it came out on the big screen.

1 down, 5 to go.

Dieting almost always fails?

So I am getting very fed up lately. I have been reading many articles, like this one, that say how easy it is to lose weight but so much harder to keep it off. I don't know if they are just discussing fad diets or what. It took me a year and six months to lose 85 lbs through Weight Watchers and I always watch what i eat and excersise quite a lot. I like to think that weight will never come back. These articles always piss me off because I feel like it will discourage people from even trying anything at all since they aren't clear if they are discussing fad diets or what. Annoying.

The Newbery Challenge

So Chris is doing this Newbery Challenge thing so I think I will as well. Seeing as I am a teacher, I guess I should read more children's literature. I have read some of these books and some I am choosing to read again because they are so excellent. So here is my list.

1. Holes - Louis Sachar
2. Number the Stars - Lois Lowry
3. Dicey's Song - Cynthia Voigt
4. Bridge to Terabithia - Katherine Patterson
5. Maniac Magee - Jerry Spinelli
6. The Whipping Boy - Sid Fleischman

It starts on May 15 and last through Decemeber so I will be posting my reviews of the books up here. I am going to request a couple from the library now!

Drained

So this weekend started out with sickness and I thought this morning I was feeling a lot better and got up and tried to go to a spinning class at the gym. I went and as soon as I sat on the bike I was like oh no shouldn't have come. Anyways only lasted through half of the class (this is a class I take often) because my body felt like it had just shut down. I think I haven't been eating enough protein in my diet and my body is on a roller coaster because I lost about 5 pounds this weekend even though I have been eating. I think I need to be making better food choices and maybe eating a little bit more since I am working out so much. I am also considering not taking so many classes but I don't know I really like going to the gym.

I read a quote in a magazine that said "I never tell myself after I go to the the gym, man I wish I wouldn't have done that. That only comes when I don't go." I think I am going to use this to make sure I am working out enough but not overdoing it.

Boring Weekend

So it has been a very boring weekend all around. I got sick starting on Thursday and by Friday was running fever. So I basically stayed in Friday night and will be staying in tonight as well. It got me out of my gym routine which annoys me but back to the gym in the morning.

I watched the new MTV show "living Lahiana" and I thought it was pretty good. The whole surfer long hair thing throws me off but I thought it was good. The narrator thing annoys me. I think Maui Fever was a better show but we will have to see.

I got in!

I got in to my program for my master's of social work and I think that is the route I will take!

My Future Plans

I have applied for a program to get a MSW degree here in Florida. I am currently teaching 2nd grade and in the past have taught students with severe/profound disabilities. I have been thinking for about a half an hour tonight about maybe trying to pursue a degree in severe/profound disabilites because I feel like that is where I can make the biggest difference in education. I looked up some programs and FSU has an online program for a degree in severe/profound disabilities. It sounds like a good program and I think I might try it out. I emailed the head of the department for some more information. I don't know. I need a masters and I am confused about which way I should go. Any insights?

Little People Big World Premiere

I just finished watching Little People, Big World on TLC. That show is such a great family show. I think it could teach kids that people with disabilities are just like them. Even though people look different doesn't make them a different person at all. I wish I could have my kids at school watch it.

The show is just very touching and I cried through most of it. If you don't watch it you should give it a try ... TLC Monday nights 8pm/7central.

Bowling

So we went bowling last night and one of the girls had an interesting observation that bowling is a very phallic came. You bowl two balls a turn at 10 very phallic looking objects. Interesting.

Missing the Family, Easter, Weather

So it's Easter Sunday and even though we never really did a lot for Easter, I am really missing my family right now. It's been since December since I have been home and even though that doesn't seem like a long time it feels like an eternity. Even if I was home, my family wouldn't be though because they are all on spring break with my sister in Destin. They are even in the same state as I am but a good seven hour drive from here so its really too far to go and see them.

So far, my Easter Sunday has consisted of a three mile walk around the lake and that is pretty much all I have planned for the day.

It is currently around 53 degrees here in Central Florida and that is just ridiculous because its April. Last week it was hitting upper 80s and then all of a sudden it dropped. I had to drag out all the old sweatshirts. Oh well and least its not blistering heat I guess.

Happy Easter!

Waiting ... as always

I hate waiting. I think that is why I don't need to get into a relationship because I start talking to someone and then I begin the waiting. Waiting for them to call come over whatever the case may be. There are very few people in my life who haven't let me down and I haven't met a new person yet in 2007 that hasn't let me down.

My Theory on Number Deletion

I used to be "that girl." You know the girl that would meet a guy and hang out a couple of times with him and get his number and call him all the time. And keep calling. And call some more and then didn't understand when they stopped answering the phone (how desperate was I.) Well from a friend I met here is Florida, I have learned that the best way to avoid all of this is to just delete their number from your phone after everytime they call you or text you or whatever. I am trying to never ever call this guy I am talking to now. I realize this sounds selfish but it works for me (well kinda cause he called earlier and said he would call back later and didn't so I called him.) Oh well moment of weakness. But his number is gone again now so that is a good deal. I hope to never ever be "that girl" again.

Waiting

So I met a guy on Saturday night and we have been hanging out. I am such a bad person at waiting for phone calls though. I have a rule that I don't call guys they have to call me. BUT it is so hard not to call. I mean he text me earlier today so isn't it okay to call him? AHHHH!!!! I am confused. He doesn't meet any part of the checklist at all, but he is a really cool guy. I don't know. Again, i think I might just be one of those people who needs to be alone forever (or not so much needs to be but will be.)

Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody ....

Its an old song ... so boring Saturday night ... I had an invite to go drink at a resturant with my friend and her boyfriend but it didn't really seem all that appetizing ... rather enjoy a couple of glasses of wine at home ... the Florida vs UCLA game is really boring becuase Fl is pulling away big time. I guess it will be a repeat of the football championship game this year (or last 2006 whatever.) Anyway have to go back to work on Monday which I am sure will be a shock but I guess if I worked a normal type job I wouldn't have amazing holidays like I do as a teacher. I should be thankful. I will be happy though to get back to normal routine.

Saturday Morning

So it is early Saturday morning. around 8am, and I am already up and dressed so I can go to the gym. Fun times. Hopefully something more adventurous will go on this weekend then just outings to the gym. Who knows. I am tired tired tired. Hopefully I wake up soon!

Can't feel legs

I think the biggest lesson I learned today was that you shouldn't take bodypump two days in a row. My legs are killing me and I just left the class an hour ago. Doesn't really bode well for tomorrow.

I need a project. I want to motivate someone to lose lots of weight and go to the gym with me so I can feel like I am passing my weight loss on to someone else. Sounds weird I know but I like to be thought of as someone's motivation. I think I have been a few people's motivation with weight watchers so that feels good.

Now my mom is giving me crap about smoking. "If you are changing everything else and becoming healthy you should quit smoking." Hum ... sounds like a good idea in theory but I have a feeling it would throw my body out of wack big time. It is a thought though.

MY LEGS!!!!

I am lazy ... somewhat

So had to get up early (9) this morning to go tot the dentist. 2 cavaties filled and have to go back tomorrow to get 2 more filled. After that I need to go to the eye doctor because I need more contacts. Big time crazy. So much money spent and not much of it to spend. Its crazy being a teacher and barely making enough money to get by. My mom said I needed a roommate and I in turn laughed that off as definitely not an option unless down the road I meet a guy and decided to live with him. That's a long way off since I haven't met a guy I really was into in a long time. I am content in my little apartment being selfish.

On the gym side, I went and worked out again today. Took body pump again. Love the class except when I have to do squats and lunges. They make me feel weak and I don't love that. Bought a cute workout outfit today so I could show off my new body. I am truely proud of myself for changing my whole lifestyle and becoming a new and improved me. Not to toot my own horn or anything lol.

Now I just have to get a handle on my life so I can fix mistakes from the past. Mainly debt that I put myself in that my parents are so great to help me get out of. Ahhh. Tired.

Got it!

So I got the job. It was a lateral transfer so I think they were hiring anyone that seemed someone competant. It seems like a good gig although another teacher who is staying at the school I currently am at was guilt tripping me a little bit for leaving but I just feel like I need to do what is important for me. I am going to be teaching either 2nd or 3rd grade next year. Not sure which.

Off to a class at the gym now. Got to work on my fitness.

Nervous

So in about an hour I will be sitting in a interview for a job at a new school in my county. Its not that I am trying to get into a new county, it's basically like making a lateral transfer. I am a little nervous how i come across because sometimes I not sure if I come across that well. I have been up for about two hours now and am just exhausted. I really hope I get this because I think it is an amazing oppurtunity to be on a team that is the first faculty of a brand new school. I would love this and think it would help me grow professionally as well. We shall see. Cross your fingers.

Stress

I am going on a job interview tomorrow and am completely stressed. I am going for a job for next year at a new school they are opening close to me. My friend from work got a job their today and from what she was saying, it sounds like a place I want to be. I am very stressed out about it as I normally do get very stressed. I am excited because it would be a great oppurtunity to be able to go into a brand new school and help bring that school into something great. We shall see.

Saturday Night Live and Peyton Manning

So I watched SNL last night because my mom sent me an article talking about how Peyton Manning was going to be the host. First off, SNL sucks now. Just really not that funny. I like Peyton Manning though. I thought the funniest skit was when it was a NCAA tourney bracket filler outters winners and it was him (acting as a reporter), a host, and a girl who also had a high performing bracket. It was funny and the funniest part was when they started talking about how one of the good teams who lost pulled a "Peyton Manning." Its good to see celebrity people being able to make fun of themselves. Another weird thing, he introduced his family during the opening monologue but didn't introduce his brother Cooper, who doesn't play football due to an earlier injury. So I assumed Cooper wasn't there, but at the end Cooper and Eli pushed out a bday cake for Peyton. Kinda weird they left him out. In the Manning family, as you get worse as football you get cuter. Peyton is the best and not so good looking, Eli is not as good as Peyton as football but better looking, and then you have Cooper who doesn't play football anymore but is the cutest of all. Just something you learn growing up in NOLA and growing up always knowing who the Mannings are.

Spring Break

So I am on spring break. I am still in my apartment but at least I will be off of school next week which is really cool. Last night on whim I decided to dye my hair an auburn color. It is cool. Just trying to get used to it. Had drinks with friends last night and had a good time. This morning, I went to the gym and took a class. Now I am getting ready to go into Orlando to go eat good sushi and watch a hibachi show. Hopefully it will be fun. We shall see.

Blah

I am feeling so incredibly blah right now. I am not exactly sure why I am feeling this way. The professional development today and yesterday was extremely informative and I feel like I can definitely get on board with it. BUT, and I don't mean to sound lazy, but it is such a massive undertaking. It scares me. I am just not sure and am feeling a little freaked out by it all. I also am about to be on spring break but all of my friends are taking off somewhere rather it be for work or just vacay. I would have liked to go home but I am here dealing with dentist appointments, eye doctor appointments, etc. It is kinda scary being an adult esp. so far from your support system. I just am confused right now and am not sure where I am going ... not even really where I have been exactly so its all a little overwhelming. Work tomorrow so I need to stop obssessing and go to bed.

Friendships Lost

I think one of the hardest things about growing up (yes I still consider myself to be growing up) is friendships lost. Sometimes without even having the knowledge of why they ended. I am kinda sick of this happening to me. I realize a lot of times it is my own damn fault but I feel like if people really cared about me they would make me see what I was doing wrong that made them want to end the friendship and then I could work to correct it. If it wasn't something I could control or didn't choose to change then the friendship would be over. I miss friendships that I have lost. I truely cared about these people but was acting strange when these friendships ended and that ended them for good. Sometimes I wish these people would just reach out to me and talk to me. Oh well ... you live you learn.

Tired

Yes I am tired. I didn't even have to see my kids today and am exhausted. I stayed up later than normal last night just watching tv and then today was in an inservice which can be more draining then dealing with kids. Good ideas just draining. Tomorrow I will be in the same inservice. Then Friday and next week spring break which for me means not a whole lot. Just hanging around and relaxing no drinking and partying it up. Feeling a lot like Chris does here.

Still highly motivated about the gym. Went Sunday to a class, Monday to a class, Tuesday we walked, and I just got home from a class today. Hopefully I will build some muscle and the muscle can then in turn eat my fat. I think I am going to go watch Work Out that I taped last night for some more motivation. I want to be only 3% body fat ... don't think thats going to happen LOL!

Randomness

Random thoughts ...

1. I feel like everyone around me is moving on with their life and I am just stagnet. I mean I moved here only a year ago (almost) but I haven't really done anything else to further myself or to get to where I feel I need to be. I don't really know where that is but I do feel like I am not moving on.

2. Good show I watched today on A&E. King of Cars. Hilarious show. Random ... as I like it.

3. I went and took a class today at the gym and sweat my butt off. I love to sweat.

4. One week of school before spring break. I am not sure that I could have a job that didn't have amazing holidays. Maybe, it's just the type of job I am in that leaves me feeling stressed and tired.

5. What am I doing with my life? Am I too focused on myself? Is that a bad thing at 25? Do I not go out enough and try to meet new people (I have never been good at this)? AHHHHHH!!!!

Saturday Night

So not a whole lot going on today. Ended up napping and then going to the grocery. Then I got bored and decided to go shopping. I went and spent almost 200 dollars on clothes. I was excited because a pair of pants I bought was a size 8. WHOO HOO!!! Now I aspire to be a six. Don't think its going to happen but maybe.

I just read an article in Glamour about how women cut alcohol completely out and ended up losing weight. I think I might try this to help my lose this 10 lbs that is bothering me. Hopefully the working out is helping as well.

I watched True Life: I have Autism on MTV today. It was touching. It made me think about how maybe I should stay a teacher but maybe move back to special ed because I felt like I made such a bigger impact there. It repeats itself tomorrow night on MTV at 9pm/8c. I think it is good to watch especially for people who have never been around people who have a disability. It did bother me that they didn't use people first language though. You can read about people first from Kathie Snow here.

St. Patty's Day

Happy St. Patty's Day! My sis is riding in the Irish Channel St. Pat's parade so my whole family is down there and I am kinda sad that I am missing it. Here its not so exciting. Don't think I will be going out for the holiday. Last night Virginia and I had our Friday night routine (beer and wine) and then I got up early and went to ww and then to a class at the gym called body pump. Love it. I am feeling highly motivated lately. I was kinda thinking maybe I want to come home for Spring Break but that is in a week and don't know if a trip can be planned that quickly. As for the rest of the day, I hope to get motivated and go shopping but who knows.

Is it Friday yet?

Ahh ... today all day it felt like Friday which doesn't bode well when I have to get up tomorrow and go to work. Oh well. At least tomorrow really is Friday and I have a few days to relax and then one week and spring break. One of the good things about being a teacher is the great holidays.

Today went pretty well at work. Came home early watched tv and then went walking around my complex. I have been pretty motivated about working out. I figured out the key to motivation is to not be in a relationship, no kids, and have friends that are also busy and then you will always be able to focus on yourself. I love it. I hope I can keep this up. I want to be hard core strong and able to kick ass if need be lol.

Nothing big going on this weekend. Just hanging around the apartment focusing on me as always! I think I might do a hard core cleaning. Just depends on my motivation so we shall see.

Let's See How Long This Last

So I am hardcore today. Took a class at the gym and just got back. Body pump which is explained here. Now I am waiting for my friend so we can go walking. My arms are killing me but my legs are not. I have done something everyday since Sunday as far as working out and would like to keep that out because I want to drop another size. Hopefully that will work out. I think I am on such a kick because I feel like its the most important thing going on right now with me and i can pour all my energy into myself. Well my friend is here so off to kick my butt some more!

Yeah I figured out links!!!!

Tuesday

Today was a good day. Got up a little late but had a good day teaching and for the most part had no issues. Then I went and took a class at the gym called athletic training which is different stations that all work different muscles. I am sure I will be hurting tomorrow from yesterday and today. But at least I am starting to tone up. Maybe I can drop another size. The secretary had heard that I used to be a lot bigger and asked to see fat pictures today and since I carry them around she looked at them for like 10 minutes and would show anyone that would walk pass. It feels so good to finally be at my goal weight and to know that i was actually able to drop 85 lbs when i never thought I would be skinny again.

I am ready for American Idol. I am so glad Antonella is gone. I am backing Chris Sligh (not that I vote.) I love him for his dry humor. I wonder what the theme is tonight. Only three minutes to show!

Crazy days

So today was easy because I didn't have students because it was a professional development day. I did though have a slight stress moment when I found out I was completely unprepared for something that is going on tomorrow at school. I just hate feeling like I don't know what i am doing and sometimes feel like that often. So I did have a small little cry in front of my principal which wasn't good but did take complete blame for not being prepared. It just is a little rough feeling so out of it sometimes.

On a positive note, I went to the gym and took a class called BodyPump again and my body hurts which I guess is a good thing.

Hopefully, this week will be easy and I won't be to stressed out. Only nine days until spring break!

New Fav Quote

I have been obsessivly blogging today but then remembered I needed to blog about my new favorite quote. I am single and love it because I can do what I want when I want. I was reading Entertainment Weekly and they have these sound bite things and this is a quote from the TV show Rules of Engagment from David Spades character after he is accused of wanting a relationship :

"I am a little bit jealous, you're right. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go do whatever I feel like doing, ALL the time."

And that is how I feel about relationships.

Sundays

So recently on Sundays I have just been laying around and not doing anything to exciting. But today my friend and I decided to go walking around a lake here and it actually felt good to get out and do something rather than just being a big bum.

Tomorrow is work but the kids have off so it shouldn't be so bad. I like it because I can be there an hour later than normal. It should be good.

I think this whole time change thing is going to mess with me tonight. Because its already 6 here and the sun is still really bright. I am sure it is going to make sleep come later but I guess since I get to be at work later tomorrow it won't affect me that bad.

Bizarre Behavior and Advice for friendships

Sometimes people may act in a way that other people think is a bizarre way. It's probably not bizarre to the person that is acting that way, it is probably pretty much their normal behavior. It is not good to tell your friends that they are acting bizarre because they will probably never speak to you again if you tell them that. This has just been a friendly PSA. Have a great day!

Delta Zeta and DePauw

So I was reading a people magazine and came across an article that discussed the Delta Zeta chapter at DePauw university. As a member of another sorority, I was interested in what was going on bc I don't watch the news often so I had heard nothing of it. In short, it said that more then half of the chapter was asked to become alum because of their lack of commitment to recruiting efforts (recruiting is a huge part of a sorority and it has to be done constantly.) The girls suuposedly all happened to be not so popular and not so cute. I would hope that no organization would ever do this to their members and hope that Delta Zeta did this based on the recruiting efforts of these members. Here is a link to the NY times article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/25/education/25sorority.html?ex=1330059600&en=586cb157d02771f3&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

How do you make links look nicer than this???

Lazy Saturday Afternoon

So nothing really going on this evening. Just hanging around the apartment. I keep thinking about going shopping but my body hurts a bit from the class I took at the gym this morning. I guess being home and watching tv is just giving me time to think which I guess is a good thing. I have been being weird lately and let other people get me out of my routines and I refuse to let that happen. I like to do what i want to do when i want to do it and don't feel like I should have to explain myself to anyone. If I want to go to bed at 8pm, then I am not going to let someone screw up my schedule just to hang out. I don't care enough. I think I am just that self centered and I am okay with that.

Finally hit lifetime

So after a year and three months of weight watchers, I am finally a lifetime member and am happy. Free weigh-ins now and I am at my weight goal so it is great.

The Car Saga

So they tried to jump my car and that didn't really work out so I had it towed to Pep Boys. The people at Pep Boys tell me its going to be like 2 hours before then can check it so i call my friend to pick me up. I am in the room and I look like I am about to cry so they Pep Boys people are telling me it is probably something little and not a big deal at all. Well, while waiting on my friend, I walk to Walgreens and buy water bc I had none in my house and assumed I wouldn't make it to the grocery today. I get back from Walgreens and see that they are looking at my car in the parking lot. All of a sudden they get it turned on. They said it was nothing and that if I was worried about it I should bring it to the dealership tomorrow. So I owed them nothing (thank goodness.) I took my car out a little earlier and just tried to start it again and it started no problem. I guess maybe it was just a short or something. Who knows. Hopefully it keeps working.

Frustrating Day

It's only 10:15 and I can already tell that today is going to be a not so good day. I went out to my car to go ot the grocery and guess what .... the car won't start. I think it is the battery, I am waiting on triple a right now. Then I always thought that right after you got a jump everything would be fine but my mom said that I might have to go buy a new battery. I just really don't feel like dealing. I wish I would have stayed in bed. AHHHHH!!!! Frustration.

Relationships

So at the old age of 25, I still don't think I am ready to have a relationship. I think I am so set in my ways that there is no way I would let someone into my life to kinda of mess with what I like to do. I just don't think I am meant to have a serious monogamous relationship. I start getting close with people and then start puching them away and avoiding them. I have never really been like this before. In college, I was always the one chasing guys and always wanted a relationship and was extremley needy. But now I just push people away when I feel like they are getting to close. I think I am just scared and I make bad choices.

Two months down ... ten to go

I can't believe the first two months of 2007 are already over. How crazy is that. I didn't even realize it until my friend pointed it out to me today. Crazy. I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything so far in 2007. I feel like in 2006 I accomplished a lot - I lost a lot of weight, I moved, I finished up my first year of teaching. I feel like nothing is going on now at all.

I am just waiting now to find out if I am going to get into my graduate program. I hope to god I do because I know that i can't go on teaching forever. I am just not happy doing it and I am really unqualified to do anything else even though I have a degree. Oh well i guess we shall see.

Why is this happening to me?

Psycho decided to start iming me tonight so I blocked him. He then got another sn and imed me and I in turn blocked him again. I was trying to send a friend a text and he called my phone and i accidentally answered it. I started yelling at him telling him I wanted nothing to do with him and he started telling me how mean I was and that he wasn't even treated this mean by his exwife. He tells me he bought me a bday gift that cost $150 and I say i will just mail it back to him. Finally I get so frustrated I hang up on him. He then proceeds to call again and I don't answer and he leaves a voicemail telling me how mature I am. I am literally shaking. My friend is coming over now because I am freaking out. I just want to be left alone. Can you block phone numbers from calling your cell phone? I think I am going to have a drink so I can stop shaking.

New Computer

So I bought a new computer today and it is great. It actually caused me some stress for a while. It's hard to switch computers because everything I had on the old computer I had to get to the new one and that took took a while. My mom is going to help me out paying for it which is cool as well. I definitely needed a new one though because my cd drive wouldn't even open it just said it was busy all the time and it was starting to piss me off. So I am happy now.

Ash Wednesday

So its Ash Wednesday which I realized today means that I can't eat meat on Fridays. It's real easy not to eat meat in New Orleans on Fridays. Tons of seafood and boiled crawfish ... its almost like a blessing. Not a big deal at all. Well now that I live in central Florida its not so easy. Some seafood but not like the abundance in New Orleans. Not that I am really a practicing Catholic or anything but I do try to abide by these rules ... not exactly sure why though. I must think in the back of my brain that I won't go to hell if I just don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Oh well ... I guess we shall see on that one.

Turning 25 and a great weekend!

So I have now hit the quarter of a century mark. Crazy. I freaked out a little but not real bad. I got lots of birthday wishes from my friends so it was great. My best friend Chris was here for the weekend and we had a great time just getting to hang out and do different things.

A timeline of the weekend:

He got here Friday so I took off half a day to get him from the airport and sat in horrible traffic. We came back to my house and then went out and ate sushi. The best sushi. Here is a pic of my favorite the catepillar roll.

Saturday was againa driving day and we went to Universal Islands of Adventure theme park and that was lots of fun.

Last night we went to Downtown Disney and went and ate at HOB and then went to Disney Quest where I discovered I get motion sickness and bacame somewhat of a stick in the mud.

It was great having my friend here and him getting to meet people I talk about all the time. Tomorrow I have to go to work even though it is Mardi Gras. I think that because I am from NOLA I should get off because I have never had a weird expierence of having to go to work or school on Mardi Gras. Very strange. But oh well. Back to reality tomorrow.

Psycho Strikes Again

I get up a few hours ago to leave my house to go to the gym and there are flowers and a card on my doorstep. I am like please be from someone else because I so knew. So I am open the card and of course it is from psycho. CRAZY what doesn't he get about me not liking him or even wanting to be friends with him. GET THE PICTURE.

I am a pessimist

So I am officially a pessimist. I just finished watching the class from last night (got to love the dvr) and it ended up with a happy ending and it kinda just pissed me off more than anything. I just really don't think life is like that at all. I mean really whose life really ends up being fairy tale?

AHHHH ... glass half empty .... I am going to boycott tv and go and roll up in bed (even though it is only 7) and read a book. Screw happy endings.

Valentine's Day

Not so happy about this whole valentine's day thing. It just reminds people who are alone that they are in fact alone. Our students had the oppurtunity to order carnations from school so I think tomorrow I will be receiving some flowers from my students. I also got them valentines. Laffy Taffy candy to go with them so I hope they like that. And I have an assembly in the afternoon, so I think that will be a nice break.

The week is going by kinda slow. I am ready to hang out with my BFF. LOL! It should be good times because I haven't seen him since Christmas and he has never been here so hopefully we will have fun.

On a motivation note, I got up at 5 today and went to the gym even though my body was screaming no. But I did it and it felt good after. So hopefully tomorrow morning I will get up again and go!

Back to myself

So I finally am returning to my old self. Focusing on me and not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring when I know in all reality it probably will ring but it won't be top chef. Write that one off. Anyways ... how did I get back to my old self today. Well I woke up at 8 and went to the gym. Then I came home and padded around for a bit and went to Kohl's and bought myself two pairs of capris and a shirt. I think I now must have like 20 pairs of pants which kinda of almost seems excessive ... but not quite. I have been reading all day again. I am about to finish a book that I just started this morning. A suspense novel I guess you would call it. Also on the getting back to me note, I have been counting all my points and everything for weight watchers and actually paying attention to what I have been eating.

On Friday night, I am planning a dinner to go and eat the best food ever .... SUSHI!!!! It should be great hopefully I can get a few of my friends to join Chris and I. Then, on either Saturday or Sunday we will go to Universal. I bought the tickets today thanks to my mom. I am sure it will be fun. Except I don't like roller coasters and am sure I will be dragged on them unwillingly. I just always think they are going to break.

The grammy's come on soon so I think I will be watching that with a vague interest. Who knows maybe it will be really cool. I remember my favorite grammy performance from the past when Eminem and Elton John sang "Stan." I thought that was great. Who knows. I am ready for work tomorrow and to make it through the week.

Saturday

So I have spent all day today recovering from to much alcohol on Friday night. It sucks I feel like crap. But I did read one of the books I bought. The pink one called Love @ First Site. It is pretty good and just something to make me feel better because I have been gloomy the past week.

Today has been the longest day too. I think I am getting ready for the longest week as well since my best friend is coming in from NOLA on Friday. My birthday is Sunday so he is coming here to celebrate it which shall be fun. We are going to go to Universal and stuff so that should be fun.

Friday Night

Friday night and I am home. Shocking. I am used to being home on Friday nights. So I went to Barnes and Nobles and picked up three books. A James Patterson, a Mary Higgins Clark, and a book called Love @ First Site by Jane Moore. Thought the last one might be humorous and it was pink!!! When I don't know authors I tend to buy books based on colors. Strange but true. I often find that pink books are very girlie and I tend to like them.

In other lack of news, top chef still hasn't called. I can write that one off. My mom thinks I am too high matience. She was like well when did he call last. And I told her Wednesday. And she said its only ben two days and I expect too much. Maybe so but if I am going to spend time with someone I better be treated like a damn princess.

Off to my books and my Riesling.

Alone

It is a real scary thought to be alone. Right now I am alone in my apartment and just trying to convince myself to go to bed and stop waiting up for the phone to ring. If I could just stop being someone else and go back to being regular old Jessica that would be great. I realize the phone is not going to ring and even if it does it won't be who I want it to be and then I will be in a funk again.

I think I am just so scared of being alone forever and never finding my soul mate (yes, I believe in all that crap.) And its hard to be away from your home. If I was in NOLA right now, I would jump in my car and run up to PJs. Or I could just go and talk to my mom or something but here its just like stare at the tv, the computer, or just the walls. Maybe I am getting homesick, I don't know.

Losing part of myself

So I have discovered that whenever I start talking to a guy or start dating someone I kind of lose focus of what I need to be doing for myself. I really start putting my priorities on the back burner while I wait around for something to happen with the guy. That's got to be the dumbest thing ever and I need to break that habit big time.

I think I am frustrated with the whole online dating thing and just dating in general. Maybe at this time, I am just not meant to date anyone. I think I need to work on myself. I let people get the best of me sometime and let it affect (effect?) me until I feel just completely drained. I think I just need to figure out myself. Who knows whats going to go on with me. I hope someone awesome comes along eventually, I just really don't feel like its going to happen right now until I make myself better.

Dating Rules

So I have been trying out the whole online dating thing and am thinking it doesnt really work either. I think all those people on the eharmony commercials are liars or actors. But acting is really lying ifyou think about it (not an original thought its from a movie or something.) Anyway ... I thought of some rules for dating ... or maybe more specifically dating me. LOL!

1. If you say you are going to call, then call dammit.

2. If we have plans, don't break them.

3. Answer your phone.

4. If you only want to talk on your terms, then you probably aren't for me.

5. Must have a degree.

6. Many more I am sure just can't think.

So I am done dating I think for at least the foreseeable future. Oh well.

Tuesday

So it's Tuesday and I haven't been to the gym since LAST wednesday. That's a long time for me. Hopefully my head will clear up (I can feel the pressure) so I can go in the morning but who knows.

Psycho is getting worse. Its just like I don't think we would even be good friends because we have nothing in common but he thinks we have EVERYTHING in common but he really has no idea who I am. I am getting sick of his shit but am kinda scared he is going to do something crazy because I was really bruttally honest today and laid everything on the line and told him I didn't think we should be friends (for the 7000 time) but who knows. Always the crazies.

On a less crazy note, hopefully, I have a date on Saturday with a guy who is 24 and a chef. He called today and seems really cool. Hopefully it will be fun! We shall see.

Cold Monday

So I live in sunny Florida right? Not suppose to be cold. Well today it didn't get about 57 degrees and tonight it is suppose to get in the 20s. WHAT THE HELL? I thought Florida was always sunny and great. It is messing with my sicknesses as well. I get a little better and then all of a sudden my head feels like it is going to explode because the pressure keeps changing. It sucks.

What else sucks about it being cold? Well my grade level is the only grade level that sits outside from 7:30 - 8 before we take them into the classroom. Well obviously I don't want my kids to freeze but then we have to take them in as soon as they get there. We are the only grade that has to do this because the rest of the grades are inside. Can't we figure out another place to put them??? It just kind of messes up my whole morning routine which leaves me feeling out of whack for a couple of hours until my planning and I can regroup.

Tomorrow I am going to try to get up early and go and workout. I am not feeling perfect but I feel that if I don't get in the gym it is going to break my great cycle that I had going. Since I have been sick I haven't worked out since Wednesday.

On the dating side of things, I have been talking to a guy that seems really cool and hopefully it will work out. I don't want to jinx it though!